When to share the news of your pregnancy is a very personal decision. It has to feel right in your heart – you have to feel 100% ready.
With my first child, I didn’t share the news publicly on social media until I was 22 weeks pregnant – about 5 months. As an IVF patient who had experienced a miscarriage before, I was petrified of another loss. At that time in late 2017, I didn’t want to have to explain if we had another loss or had health issues with the unborn baby. I didn’t want to feel exposed. I didn’t want to jinx anything. It felt like I was perpetually holding my breath.
It wasn’t until our 20 week anatomy scan when I “graduated” from the fertility clinic to a regular OB that I felt safe to share the amazing news. Thankfully, all worked out and we now have a perfectly healthy 18 month old baby girl.
Fast forward to 2019. We had one more frozen embryo left. We dreamed of giving our daughter a sibling. So in August 2019, 3 months ago, I did the frozen embryo transfer. It felt like our last chance.
On September 2, 2019, the day before my 38th birthday, I did a home pregnancy test. I got the best birthday gift in the entire world – two lines on that stick appeared! In that moment, I made a decision to do things differently this time. I was going to share the news publicly on instagram. I was not going to spend the next 5 months holding my breath. If we did experience a loss, I would not feel shame and isolation like last time. Instead, I would lean on the love and support of other women who have also walked the path.
The experience of motherhood has made me realize that we all struggle in some way. We don’t have to feel alone. Ever.
Miscarriage happens to 1 in 4 women. This should no longer be a taboo conversation. This is a reality of human reproduction. No one is to blame. Women deserve more support.
So here’s to opening up that conversation and helping women feel less alone. If you’re struggling, please remember there are so many other women who have been there and want to help you. I’m one of them.